and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
