if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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