a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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