i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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