I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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