I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
