Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
