If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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