i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
