woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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