saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
