Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
