I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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