for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
