if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
