Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
