Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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