Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
