i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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