put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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