OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize