I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
