I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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