the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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