They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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