I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's like iHOP with fire
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
