It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
