i just wanna soil my oats bro
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
