In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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