Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
