omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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