mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found your dick twin last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
