my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
