you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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