U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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