You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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