I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize