I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
