I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
