You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
