Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
