Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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