i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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