At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
