so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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