Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
