Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize