it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
