final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
