I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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