I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize