Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
