We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
