I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
