I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
