I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
