i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
