sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize