I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
