if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
