I want to stick my p in your. b.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
