If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
