you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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