My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
