shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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