10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
BRING THE BAGELS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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