Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
