You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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