Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
