You can't motorboat a personality
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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