i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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