DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
