there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
