By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
