i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come share oat with me in your robe
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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