the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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