cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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